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How To Pretend You're At Pennsic

Several friends are bemoaning the fact that they can't attend Pennsic this year, so I thought it might be ever so helpful for them if we were to come up with a list of ways they can pretend they're there, right from their own home. I'll start:

  • Set a timer so that a CD of clanking armor and chatty coffee conversation goes off right next to your pillow starting at 6:00 a.m. If possible, have it get progressively louder until you can't take it anymore and get out of bed.
  • Do not go directly to your bathroom - go outside and walk around your house 6 times first. DO NOT FLUSH. Also, do not use any running water (you only get to do that once a day), and under NO circumstances use HOT water.
  • You may use your shower, but put a fine layer of mud and stones in it first. (Again, NO HOT WATER.)

What would you add? :)

(I realize this has been done before, but I thought it would be fun to hear what everyone would add to the list, especially since there are quite a few people who have posted that they'll be attending Pennsic for the first time this year, and they might want to hear what others have to say about the experience!)


( 18 comments — Comment )
Jul. 6th, 2011 05:50 pm (UTC)
You've failed to allow for weather...
No A/C or dehumidifier. Your humidifier should be on high at all times, except for one day. On that day overflow your sink until your floor has been entirely soaked with water.

No electricity except for one outlet.
Jul. 6th, 2011 06:39 pm (UTC)
Re: You've failed to allow for weather...
I was going to suggest stepping into the shower fully clothed for a few minutes; you could do that while overflowing your sink for efficiency's sake. You should probably also do jumping jacks while you're in there to simulate the usual frantic activity that accompanies the onset of weather in one's camp at Pennsic.
Jul. 6th, 2011 09:21 pm (UTC)
Re: You've failed to allow for weather...
Run several sprinklers aimed at the house, then run inside and frantically close all the windows... except one.
Jul. 6th, 2011 09:22 pm (UTC)
Re: You've failed to allow for weather...
No electricity PERIOD. Run everything off small propane tanks.
Jul. 6th, 2011 05:51 pm (UTC)
Make sure to have a CD of people talking and singing playing right next to your pillow until 2:30 in the morning too!

Oh, and turn the heat up in your house during the day, and the AC on at night.
Jul. 6th, 2011 09:22 pm (UTC)
2:30? Honey, we keep the neighbors awake until 4:00! :)
Jul. 6th, 2011 06:06 pm (UTC)
Also remember that before you use the bathroom, you have to put enough clothing on that the neighbors wouldn't scream if you walked outside. A t shirt and underwear won't do. You also need to put shoes on. (And, in all fairness, there are a few flush toilets on site, just not very many. And they may or may not be near your camp.)
Jul. 6th, 2011 09:23 pm (UTC)
Whatever you do, you have to walk around your house six times before you do it. :)
Jul. 6th, 2011 06:32 pm (UTC)
Find recordings of the Middle Eastern beledi rhythm played on doumbek -- poorly -- by at least three musicians. Play these recordings concurrently, taking care that they not be in sync, without pause for the next ten days.

Gather an appropriate number of insects (bonus points for ants and earwigs) and scatter them about your house. Don't forget the bed!
Jul. 6th, 2011 09:23 pm (UTC)
Ask your neighbors to come and dance around your living room, badly. :)
Jul. 8th, 2011 03:49 am (UTC)
Drunk, dirty and at least half-naked.
Jul. 6th, 2011 07:59 pm (UTC)
Most of this could also be done for simulating a Renn Fair, well except for the Clanking Armor, we don't have much of that...
Jul. 6th, 2011 08:45 pm (UTC)
Indeed, I've seen it for women's festivals, too. :)
Jul. 6th, 2011 11:38 pm (UTC)
I'd replace the 6:30am clanking armor with a recording of the porta-john truck's amazingly loud vacuum. Must include some loud banging.

Dunk all your whites in a vat of iron-laden sulferous water.

Borrow neighborhood children and feed them nothing but powdered donuts, then turn them loose in your living room.

Play pron in the bedroom next to yours while you sleep.

Jul. 7th, 2011 12:00 am (UTC)
So tell me what to expect of internet connection and cell phone connection.
Jul. 7th, 2011 04:30 am (UTC)
I've been told cell service is surprisingly good for all the major carriers.
Jul. 7th, 2011 05:11 pm (UTC)
Throw a handful of wood ships on your propane grill and be sure to stand directly in the smoke. If the wind should shift the smoke away from you, move until you are again in the direct path.

Burn random things every once in a while.
Jul. 7th, 2011 05:14 pm (UTC)
Oh, and in a BF context, stay up very late, talk to yourself in a very quiet and respectful level most of the time, but at unpredictible intervals break into shrieks of laughter, and or showtunes.
( 18 comments — Comment )

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