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But DADT is working so *well*... right?


So just found out a friend is getting kicked out of the Navy for being gay.

Yeah.

Comments

( 25 comments — Comment )
brak666
Nov. 5th, 2009 02:32 am (UTC)
That bites, man.
akirashima
Nov. 5th, 2009 03:46 am (UTC)
sorry bout that!
akirashima
Nov. 5th, 2009 03:45 am (UTC)
Damnit i almost NEVER hit the wrong comment button!

.... And people wonder why i worry about Dave going in. though being tossed out is the least of my worries on that issue. And people keep telling me the Navy is the most accepting of it.

of course in my head there are a thousand things that will happen. cause i am joyfully paranoid
esprix
Nov. 5th, 2009 03:55 am (UTC)
If it happens, it happens. There are worse things than being booted out, and the majority of cases these days are separated as honorable, not dishonorable; plus, he'd have help through Serviceman's Legal Defense Network, which it wouldn't hurt for him to contact ahead of time anyway (before he goes in) if he identifies as queer in any way. Never hurts to know the right and wrong things to do.

Q did fine in 5 years in the Navy, including 6 months in Iraq. The majority of my gay friends also do fine in the Navy, and really it does seem like it's the most tolerant (well, Air Force might be more so, depending). It all depends on which command you get assigned to.
akirashima
Nov. 5th, 2009 05:38 am (UTC)
it is the worse things that make me sit bolt upright shaking in the night.
esprix
Nov. 5th, 2009 02:46 pm (UTC)
First, your worry is unfounded - statistically he is more likely to get killed in a commercial plane crash or get hit by lightning. When Q went over, I thought about how thousands upon thousands of people had gone over to Iraq, and yet only an extremely small percentage got hurt. Could he be in that percentage? Well, sure, but it's highly unlikely. Plus, I knew he was surrounded by people who had it ingrained in them to give a shit about the guy next to them, so they were all looking out for each other. In the end I realized there was nothing I could do about it anyway, and worrying only made us both feel worse.

"God grant me the serenity..." and all that.
akirashima
Nov. 5th, 2009 04:26 pm (UTC)
How is my worry unfounded? do you know how many people i know who have been injured even outside of combat. or how many articles i read about gays being beaten or worse. that small percentage still means someone is getting hurt. those guys are not numbers but people. statistics be damned. people forget those numbers are people. each one with dreams and hope and desires and loved ones.

and i already realize there is nothing i can do. if there was then this would hopefully not be happening. but it is. and yes if i hear one more time how everything for him is going to be ok i am going to scream.

and the gods seem to think panic and disorder are more for me than serenity. ironically enough it was me praying for such right before this all happened.
esprix
Nov. 5th, 2009 05:17 pm (UTC)
I don't believe I ever called anyone a statistic; what I said was that STATISTICALLY (as in, CHANCES ARE) nothing is going to happen to him, just like nothing happened to Q, or Stone, or Sev, or several other friends of mine that have served for years in the military, both in and out of active war zones.

Regardless, it's not anything you have control over, so in time I hope you can learn to let the worry go, because it's not doing you, nor him, any good.

And why on earth would you be praying for panic and disorder? I thought you knew better than that. Turn your spirit and start praying for calm and peace.
akirashima
Nov. 6th, 2009 06:20 am (UTC)
praying for serenity GOT ME panic and disorder.

and honestly i wish i could just let everything go and fade away. it does not matter anyway. i do not think he cares for me like i care for him. i am sure i will be forgotten and he will find someone infinitely better any...
esprix
Nov. 6th, 2009 07:28 pm (UTC)
OK, first of all, start praying for chaos and disorder. :) And second of all, it's not about him finding anyone better (no one's "better" than anyone else), nor about him forgetting you (which, if you didn't know, is IMPOSSIBLE where you're concerned) - it's about doing his best, doing your best, and accepting the things you can't change.

Zen will come in time, young padawan, I promise. :)
akirashima
Nov. 7th, 2009 06:21 am (UTC)
i remember the good old days when i was zen and happy and evidently frightening to people. I miss those days when i flowed like water from one insanity to another. when i was like a really fat willow tree and just flowed.

in short i miss being FAT! strangely as i have lost weight i also seem to have lost health, Zen, faith, sanity and sureness, confidence and strangely a lot of self esteem. back in the day when people at least in Blue Feather camp feared me and did not know what to make of me i was FUCKING HAPPY! depression while i had it never lasted very long and something new always came along and i was happy and flowing. I think my fat was my super power.
akirashima
Nov. 7th, 2009 06:31 am (UTC)
Oh and yes i am kinda slightly more crazy now than i was before. mostly cause i think my brain blew a gasket or something... I need to eat babies
esprix
Nov. 10th, 2009 03:14 am (UTC)
OK, so obviously nothing I say will dissuade you from worrying, and that's ok. I just hope in time you come to terms with it, as I did.
akirashima
Nov. 10th, 2009 04:50 am (UTC)
it would be nice. but every time i even slightly let go or stop worrying or gods forbid be happy i get punched in the soul for it.

yesterday was wonderful. today i got an extra scoop of depression and worry and pain to compensate for it. in probably a week we will know when he goes away.
akirashima
Nov. 5th, 2009 04:31 pm (UTC)
never mind it does not matter..
felis_ultharus
Nov. 5th, 2009 12:56 pm (UTC)
Meanwhile, we've had gays in the military since 1992 up here, and naturally all the fear-mongering turned out to be smoke and lies, as always.

It's just evil to destroy somebody's career like this. I've lost a job for being gay, but the military is something you invest your life in.
esprix
Nov. 5th, 2009 02:49 pm (UTC)
How did you lose a job?

His biggest concern is that he's HIV+. If he gets an honorable discharge (which is highly likely) he'll have his medical covered for life (although the Veterans' Administration in the US is sorely lacking, but that's another story). If he gets dishonorable, though, he's really screwed. Plus he has no idea how they found out, and if he pursues that question it could end up hurting his chances of getting an honorable, so he has no way of knowing if they violated their own policy or not.

Thank goodness for the Servicemembers Legal Defense Fund!
felis_ultharus
Nov. 5th, 2009 06:57 pm (UTC)
More precisely, a boss thought I had HIV because he knew I was gay, and fired me for that.

I also lost my chance for a job I applied for right after the interviewer found out what the volunteer experience on my résumé was all about.

I'm really glad I don't work in that kind of an environment now.
esprix
Nov. 5th, 2009 07:31 pm (UTC)
I hear you on that. How sad that there are only certain places where one can feel "safe" at work. :(
harlkyn
Nov. 6th, 2009 01:56 am (UTC)
That's the one thing I really enjoy having. The ability to fall back on the VA if I ever find myself with a serious medical problem when I'm unemployed.
esprix
Nov. 6th, 2009 02:55 am (UTC)
How do you find dealing with the VA?
daehith
Nov. 5th, 2009 01:43 pm (UTC)
Well that bites.
merlinwon
Nov. 5th, 2009 10:17 pm (UTC)
wowsers.. I'm ticked off as well! I thought mr. prez did something about that?
esprix
Nov. 5th, 2009 10:32 pm (UTC)
I'm kind of shocked that you're not the first person to think DADT has been repealed. IT HAS NOT. Obama is not exactly hoofing it to keep a lot of the promises he made us (although admittedly he's done/is planning to do a HELL of a lot more than the one before him ever did). For the moment, military members can still be discharged for being gay, and this will hopefully change in the near future, but will probably be at least a few more months.
( 25 comments — Comment )

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