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Wow, really?

A few questions du jour:

  1. Why do people do the same things over and over and over again, get the same negative results, wonder why, and then continue to do those same things over and over and over yet again (a-whining all the while)?

  2. Why do people post things for public consumption and then get mad when people reply?

  3. Why do people get pissed off when you point out their obviously detrimental behavior in an effort to help them (in a nice way, even)?

And people wonder why I worry about my friends sometimes. :(


( 32 comments — Comment )
Nov. 3rd, 2009 05:29 pm (UTC)
Good questions all.
Nov. 3rd, 2009 05:50 pm (UTC)
I have explanations for all of the above questions. Doesn't make it any less fucked up.

Nov. 3rd, 2009 07:58 pm (UTC)
Good answer. I ditto. And friended you! :)
Nov. 3rd, 2009 05:50 pm (UTC)
1. Human nature. We tend to inordinately value short-term gains over long-term ones so "it seemed like a good idea at the time" which then fails turns into an established pattern. Let's not even get into rote behaviors or addictions...

2. Because people don't tend to think outside of their own worldview. They don't consider who they DON'T want to see something, only who they DO. And they forget about the rest of the world. Replies from outside that worldview are seen as an intrusion because... well... they ARE to that person.

3. Because you challenge their worldview. And the first response to challenge is defense.

Disclaimer: I have absolutely no context for why you have posted this, so these are pretty generic answers and may or may not correspond to the actual situation(s) that prompted your post. May not be applicable in VA, MD, NJ, PA, AK or HI. Some restrictions apply. Do not print out and eat this comment.
(Deleted comment)
Nov. 3rd, 2009 08:27 pm (UTC)
When you're obviously just as worried, if not more so, about you own well being, you can't be surprised that others express that same worry, can you?

I'm just as huggy-lovey as the next homo (No, really! :P ), but my instinct has always been to *help*, and I do that by making suggestions to alleviate whatever it is that's causing someone pain. If the problem is solved, there's no more pain - that's the way I express that I care. And like it or not, I'm worried about you and feel a need for you to understand what your options are before you dismiss them out of hand.

(Do I really need to mention that Q and I often have this same argument? Hee!)
Nov. 3rd, 2009 06:28 pm (UTC)
A Few Answers
1) Well, that's called insanity, I believe. :)

2) Because when people talk about things they're looking for supportive answers, not to be blasted for their honesty. Because people seem to have lost the ability to disagree with another while invoking the velvet glove rather than the iron fist. Because some people view any form of disagreement as a sign that the disagreeing party must somehow be inferior.

3) Provided it's being pointed out in a nice way? Perhaps it isn't being pointed out as nicely as the pointer-outter believes it is. Perhaps the communication method obfuscates emotional intention (see- Internet and Peoples' Failures to Indicate Emotional Context). Perhaps the person who got pissed off has issues with criticism, or doesn't like to be told they're wrong, or has an innate belief that everyone's out to undermine their feelings. Perhaps they weren't in a situation where having their flaws pointed out for -any- reason would have a positive effect.
Nov. 3rd, 2009 08:30 pm (UTC)
Re: A Few Answers
I find it difficult to be supportive when I see someone causing themselves severe (and I do mean *severe*) detriment, which is easily avoidable with different choices (that seem, IMHO, to have been dismissed out of hand). My instinct, therefore, is to help them stop hurting themselves (and I do try to be nice about it, if for no other reason than I know that's a better way for me to be heard).
Nov. 3rd, 2009 07:06 pm (UTC)
1 Insanity. it is indeed one of the core definitions of it. trying the same thing over and over and expecting the same results. i often think i am doing this but indeed as i examine things it is me trying different things but getting the same shit..

2 see above.

3 People do not like being shown bad things about them. i mean if i pointed out that what you do with your hair makes babies cry and women throw up a little in thier mouths as men point and laugh only to then go home and kill themselves after seeing your hair would you be happy. Or if i pointed out that you make sweet sweet love to the embers in the fire pit at Pennsic at night in your sleep. you would deny it.

Now that i have answered your questions i am going to go try putting my dick in this light socket again. i think it will not shock me this time. Also i need a plate of fried butter
Nov. 3rd, 2009 08:30 pm (UTC)
Here I thought it was Q trying to set me on fire in my sleep...
[no subject] - akirashima - Nov. 4th, 2009 08:04 am (UTC) - Expand
[no subject] - esprix - Nov. 4th, 2009 02:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
[no subject] - akirashima - Nov. 4th, 2009 04:01 pm (UTC) - Expand
Nov. 3rd, 2009 07:19 pm (UTC)
Humans are all batshit insane.
Nov. 3rd, 2009 08:30 pm (UTC)
Your brochure intrigues me and I'd like to learn more about your organization... ;)
Nov. 3rd, 2009 07:30 pm (UTC)
I have a simple answer to all three questions:

Shut up! That's why!

Nov. 3rd, 2009 08:31 pm (UTC)
Best answer I've heard yet. :P
Nov. 3rd, 2009 07:34 pm (UTC)
Crazy behavior is normal. People generally are not rational. But we are predictable. Even if you are the most helpful, rational person in the world. It will not help unless they can hear you..

I'm advicey and this is what I have learned. Don't tell them the answer, lead them to it.. or give them choices. This is the truth but if you feel like you know a better way you do that.. (There's nothing to push back against)

Helping others should not be causing drama for you. If it is you need to establish boundaries (like don't help Mary she's beyond help, or no advice after 8 p.m.) If you find that helping others causes bad drama for you and you don't quit - you are codependent like me!

Nov. 3rd, 2009 08:31 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the input. :)
Nov. 3rd, 2009 08:53 pm (UTC)
Cause people are stupid, and they don't know how stupid they are. It's science, see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning–Kruger_effect
Nov. 3rd, 2009 09:30 pm (UTC)
Science has an answer for everything (and a mighty interesting one at that).
[no subject] - schnuder - Nov. 3rd, 2009 10:05 pm (UTC) - Expand
[no subject] - esprix - Nov. 4th, 2009 03:15 am (UTC) - Expand
Nov. 3rd, 2009 11:11 pm (UTC)
i hear that! people are strange. it s not a sophisticated or complex answer but there you have it. some of the things i read on lj make me go whaaaaa? in all seriousness, sometimes, some people have untreated mental conditions and need a good therapist and perhaps medication but for some reason or another, never get help.

say, ive been reading your posts for a while now. hi! (ps: im on here but dont post much though my old blogspot s available on my lj profile page. just wanted to say hello. i do post comments. such as this one. ;) )
Nov. 4th, 2009 03:17 am (UTC)
Hello back. :) Have we met?
[no subject] - thedownpayment - Nov. 4th, 2009 04:06 am (UTC) - Expand
[no subject] - esprix - Nov. 4th, 2009 02:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
[no subject] - thedownpayment - Nov. 4th, 2009 02:30 pm (UTC) - Expand
[no subject] - esprix - Nov. 4th, 2009 03:15 pm (UTC) - Expand
Nov. 4th, 2009 12:28 am (UTC)
1. Misery is their comfort zone.

2. Because Galadriel didn't want to be the Dark and Beautiful Queen so somebody has to do it.

3. They're waiting for Jon Hamm to do it, not you.
Nov. 4th, 2009 03:18 am (UTC)
Heh. How are you doing, boo?
Nov. 4th, 2009 02:30 am (UTC)
Nov. 4th, 2009 03:18 am (UTC)
Alas, 'tis true.
( 32 comments — Comment )

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