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Strange changes

My friend Yudi from San Diego called me tonight, and while we were catching up he told me my ex, TC, died over the summer from stomach cancer. How extremely surreal.

TC and I dated for a couple of months, and right around the time I'd really started to think seriously of him as a boyfriend, he said someone he'd met before me, who he felt equally strongly about, was moving to San Diego, and even though it was a hard choice to make, he decided to go with the other guy. I was really stunned, and although he made attempts to be friends with me immediately afterward, I told him I needed my space, which he respected.

About a year later we got back in touch, and he reluctantly informed me that the guy who'd moved in with him turned out to be a total jerk - he had to abandon his apartment, he gave him all kinds of money, the whole shebang. And although he wasn't really ready to get into another relationship (and still felt sheepish about dumping me in the first place), and I'd moved on, we did flirt with the idea of getting back together, but it wasn't meant to be. We still hung out from time to time and kept in touch, and I always had a little special place in my heart for him.

According to Yudi he'd been sick, lost weight, and by the time they figured out something was wrong, they discovered it was cancer, and it was too far progressed to do anything about. If I remember correctly he was only a couple of years younger than me.

And what's really odd is just a couple of weeks ago I went looking for him on MySpace and was thinking about him.

This is really just weird. I just went hunting for pictures of him and, of course, can't find any. Bah. Like my friend Randy who also passed away many years ago, I struggle with something to remember them by other than memories. He had a lover when he passed, so maybe Yudi or one of my other San Diego friends can put me in touch with him so I can at least get a picture of him. (And I'd really like some more information - anyone out there know where I can see his obituary?)

So, TC, wherever you may be, you're remembered by me. Salut.

Edited to add: Found his obituary. Heh. I'd forgotten about the scuba diving - he used to keep his equipment in the bathtub. That always amused me for some reason. :) And "debating his friends?" HA! He was an argumentative jerk sometimes, but yeah, he did like to debate. Hee! It seems appropriate his ashes were scattered at sea. I'll have to drop a note to his partner if I can track him down and share some stories. Wow.


( 13 comments — Comment )
Jan. 11th, 2007 05:03 am (UTC)
wow that's a really tough and heartbreaking story...

*hugz* esprix *hugz*
Jan. 11th, 2007 05:22 am (UTC)
I am once again reminded of one of the important lessons I learned when my father passed away - TAKE MORE PICTURES. Ugh.
Jan. 11th, 2007 05:15 am (UTC)

The U-T uses www.legacy.com to host their Obits for 1 year, you can try there.
Jan. 11th, 2007 05:22 am (UTC)
Found it. I'm glad I did.
Jan. 11th, 2007 05:58 am (UTC)
I'm sorry to hear this. You have my condolences.

If I remember correctly he was only a couple of years younger than me.

:( Far too young.

And what's really odd is just a couple of weeks ago I went looking for him on MySpace and was thinking about him.

That's quite a coincidence. I have a few friends who would say that he was reaching out to you to cause you to think about him; I'm not sure I believe in that kind of thing, but I've read about similar coincidences.
Jan. 11th, 2007 01:14 pm (UTC)
Far too young indeed - 31. Ugh. But it's good I still think of him. I'm just sorry I wasn't able to get in touch sooner.
Jan. 11th, 2007 06:37 am (UTC)
Condolences. Yeah, I've had friends pass on and when I look at the pics I have , it's like "whoa, all that's left are the pics." And I look in their eyes in those pics and try and imagine what they were thinking about at that time.
Jan. 11th, 2007 01:10 pm (UTC)
I remember when my father died my sister did these three HUGE picture collages of him with my mother and the family and friends, and we framed one of them as was for my mother to keep. And many months later she said to me, "Sometimes I forget what he looks like - that's why I need the pictures." And sometimes, yeah - your mind plays funny tricks on you.
Jan. 11th, 2007 02:05 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry for your loss :-(
Jan. 16th, 2007 03:49 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Jed.
(Deleted comment)
Jan. 12th, 2007 04:37 am (UTC)
No, that was JC, my friend from Seattle. I really need to contact him, come to think of it. Haven't talked to him for a long time, and it's stuff like this that makes you want to call someone, ya know?
Jan. 12th, 2007 04:59 am (UTC)
I liked JC a lot, he was a very darling man.

You know, even if you don't have pictures of TC? What you had together, you will remember. When you care about someone, you don't need to remember exactly what they looked like. I think that sometimes, when there is a breakup? Our memory tends to fade the pictures out. A defense mechanism at the time, but later? Just your heart/mind taking care of you. Even if you no longer need to be taken care of. You know? Well, *I* do.

WHO they were, and what you were together...that is enough. You won't ever forget that.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

My Love,

Jan. 16th, 2007 03:48 pm (UTC)
Thanks for your concern and kind words. :)
( 13 comments — Comment )

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