Esprix (esprix) wrote,

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Gay Wedding Etiquette & Invitation

OK, a friend that sends me lame jokes all the time just sent me this, and I think it's a hoot. It's by Bob Smith of Funny Gay Males, which I believe he wrote for Out magazine. Enjoy!


Now that Canadian Gay Marriages have been legalized, here are the new rules:

1) On the day of a gay wedding, it's bad luck for the two grooms to see each other at the gym.
2) Superstition suggests that, for good luck, the couple should have: Something bold, something flirty, something trashy, something dirty.
3) It's customary, at gay and lesbian nuptials, for the parents to have an open bar during the entire ceremony.
4) Gay wedding tradition dictates that both grooms refrain from eating any of the wedding cake because it's all carbs and sugar.
5) It's considered bad luck for either of the grooms to have dated the priest.
6) During the first dance, it's considered unlucky to use glow sticks, flags, whistles or hand held lasers.
7) For good luck at the union of a drag queen, the bouquet is always throw in the face of a hated rival.
8) The reception hall must have a disco ball and at least one go-go dancer.
9) The wedding singer is not allowed to play/sing Let's Hear It For the Boy, It's Raining Men or I Will Survive.
10) The father of the Bottom has to pay for everything!


Of course, I have to follow that up with Bob Smith's gay wedding invitation (paraphrased, as I'm recalling from memory his stand-up routine):


Dr. & Mrs. Ronald Goldstein
reluctantly invite you to the wedding of their son,
Joshua Albert,
to Robert Woods,
son of the stunned Mr. & Mrs. Woods
The ceremony will take place
on Thursday, October 5
at three o'clock in the afternoon
followed by an awkward reception at Donatello's.
At the parents' request, there will be an open bar during the ceremony.



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