Esprix (esprix) wrote,

  • Mood:

Ruminations on a Wednesday

Well Quincy finally called last night. Of course, by the time I got to my phone it had stopped ringing, but at least he left a message. He couldn't call because the blasted phone system was down again, and he said he's off on another mission for a couple of days, so I might not hear from him again until the weekend. At least I know he's ok, although I've kind of been making myself upset the last few nights when my mind starts churning when I'm in bed trying to go to sleep, so I really wanted to talk to him.


In other news, Kevin and I found another great pick-up team last night and I dinged 26, so that was fun. And tonight is gaming, which will also be fun. I'm still looking for a copy of Rette Sich Wer Kann, but they're hard to come by, so the hunt continues (yay eBay!).

mike14780 turned me onto a term I'd never heard before:

Quirkyalone: noun/adj. A person who enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and generally prefers to be alone rather than dating for the sake of being in a couple. With unique traits and an optimistic spirit; a sensibility that transcends relationship status. See also quirkytogether, perkytogether, quirkyslut.
I never knew my train of thought about singledom had a word, but now I see I'm not alone. In the past friends would whine at me, "I need a boyfriend," to which my response has always been, you need oxygen, water and sustenance; you may really, really want a boyfriend, but you do not need a boyfriend. That said, why is it you really, really want a boyfriend? What is he going to give you that you can't give yourself? Do you want a loving companion, or do you want an "insert boyfriend here" cardboard cutout? I see this trend among both young, unmarried women and many, many gay men, this weird, society-influenced "MUSTBEMARRIEDNOWPLZKTHNKSBYE" mentality that frankly sets my teeth on edge. If more people concentrated on themselves, and making themselves happy (as cliche as that sounds), a relationship, should one come along (and who says one will?), will be that much stronger for you being you.

I've said it before about my relationship with Quincy, too. Before him I was, as this website would call it, a quirkyslut - perfectly happy being single if that's where I was, and perfectly happy being in a relationship if I was with someone I actually liked being with (and not because I felt some pressure to be with someone, regardless of who). Admittedly when I was younger I went through the "I need a boyfriend" phase as well, but somewhere along the line (and I wish I could pinpoint exactly where) I learned that I'm me, I'm fine with me, and I'm better off being with me than some loser who isn't worth my time just for the sake of being in a relationship. So I went along happily slutting around, dating someone if I felt like dating them (and my definition of dating has always been "spending time with someone to see if you want to spend more time with them"), and breaking up if I didn't want to spend time with them anymore. I've had successful relationships both long and short, and been happy being single in between them, coming to the realization that, hey, there's a good possibility that I will never meet someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with, so if that happens, does that mean I'm going to walk around in self-imposed misery for the rest of my life? Shaaa! As if. So this put me in a very positive frame of mind when I met Quincy, who himself was going through something similar at the same time, and it left me open to the possibility of having a relationship with him if it felt right - and it did, and here we are, coming up on two years, and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him, not because it's expected, but because I love him and I want to.

I guess it all ties back into one's sense of self-worth (as most things do in life), but I'd love to see some people who talk so freely about "needing" a boyfriend to learn to love themselves a little better. And I'm certainly not dissing anyone's feelings of lonliness or unwantedness, which are perfectly valid and understandable and human and normal, but these are temporary feelings, and, more importantly, validation can only come from within - no relationship or boyfriend can give you something you can't give yourself.

OK, now I'm starting to sound like a self-help guru, but this has been irking me for quite some time. I read my friends' LJs about how desperate they are to find a boyfriend, and all I can think is, "How sad."

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded