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Join the book club today!


OK, so San Diego Queer Sci-Fi has started a book club (thanks to minotaurs) and this has been rolling around in my head ever since. George Carlin, please forgive me...

Join the book club! As an introductory offer, we'll send you the following books absolutely free!

-EAT, RUN, STAY FIT, AND DIE ANYWAY
-HOW TO SEEM INTELLIGENT
-THERE'S BIG MONEY IN STAYING PUT
-PEACE OF MIND BY LOSING COMPLETE CONTROL FOR 16 HOURS A DAY
-YOUR THIGHS CONTROL YOUR LIFE
-HOW TO FILET A PANDA
-RID YOURSELF OF DOUBT - OR SHOULD YOU?
-CHANCES ARE, YOUR SISTER'S FULL OF SHIT
-HOW TO GIVE YOURSELF A COMPLETE PHYSICAL WITHOUT GETTING UNDRESSED
-64 GOOD REASONS FOR GIVING UP HOPE
-WHY JEWS POINT
-A HUNDRED DEAD PEOPLE NOBODY MISSES
-BACKPACKING FOR SHUT-INS
-MY DOG IS A REAL FRUIT
-YOUR SHOES ARE WORTH MONEY
-REORGANIZING YOUR POCKETS
-WHAT TO WEAR ON THE TOILET
-124 SIMPLE EXERCIZES FOR THE TEETH
-THE STAINS IN YOUR SHORTS CAN INDICATE YOUR FUTURE
-TIPS ON GETTING LAID
-SELF-MUTILATION AS AN ATTENTION GETTER
-600 WAYS TO GIVE PEOPLE THE SHAFT
-TREMBLE YOUR WAY TO FITNESS
-YOU GIVE ME 6 WEEKS, AND I'LL GIVE YOU SOME DISEASE

And if you join today, we'll send the following books absolutely free:

-POEMS FOR THE INSANE
-A TREASURY OF POORLY UNDERSTOOD IDEAS
-APARTMENT HUNTING FOR DEVIL WORSHIPPERS
-A COMPLETE LIST OF ALL THE THINGS THAT ARE STILL PENDING

And these books on food are yours:

-THE INTRAVENOUS COOKBOOK
-THE MEANING OF CORN
-FILL YOUR LIFE WITH CROUTONS
-THE FOOD COLORING DIET
-COOKING FOR THE PARALYZED
-COOKING WITH HEAT

And if you join today, we'll send the following books absolutely free:

-CONTROLLING FEAR WITHOUT GETTING FRIGHTENED
-THINGS NO ONE CAN HELP
-UNDERSTANDING PEOPLE YOU'LL NEVER MEET
-SIX WAYS TO FUCK UP BEFORE BREAKFAST
-MARRIAGE FOR ONE
-I SUCK, YOU SUCK
-LET'S CHANGE THE ALPHABET
-FAMOUS BULLSHIT STORIES
-SPORT FISHING WITH POWER SAWS
-WHY HAWAII AND NORWAY ARE NOT NEAR EACH OTHER

And if you join today we'll send the following books absolutely free:

-A LIST OF PEOPLE WHO MEAN WELL
-DON'T THROW AWAY YOUR OLD SKIN
-10 THINGS WE DON'T KNOW YET
-CARING FOR THE SEATED
-THE WRONG UNDERWEAR CAN KILL
-TROTTING ACROSS ZAIRE
-WHY IT DOESN'T SNOW ANYMORE
-THE COMPLETE LIST OF EVERYONES' PERSONAL EFFECTS
-SIX CITIES THAT NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN TO
-I GAVE UP HOPE AND DIED, AND IT WORKED
-FAMOUS PEOPLE WHO WERE WIRY
-THE LIVES OF 6 EXTREMELY SHORT SAINTS
*

And if you join today, we'll send the following instruction books absolutely free:

-HOW TO DO EVERYTHING AT ONCE
-HOW TO GIVE PEOPLE YOUR BEST REGARDS
-HOW TO SPOIL OTHER PEOPLE'S FUN
-HOW TO KILL A RAT WITH AN OBOE
-HOW TO ORGANIZE A 'TUPPERWARE' GANG BANG
-HOW TO WAVE GOODBYE WITHOUT MOVING YOUR ARMS
-HOW TO SPOT TRULY VICIOUS PEOPLE IN CHURCH
-HOW TO GET BACK FROM BOSTON
-HOW TO LEASE OUT THE SPACE INSIDE YOUR NOSE
-HOW TO GET A TAN WITH A FLASHLIGHT
-HOW TO START A RANGE WAR
-HOW TO SPOT A CREEP FROM A DISTANCE
-HOW TO GIVE A KING A REALLY HARD TIME
-HOW TO KILL YOUR NEPHEW
-HOW TO BECOME A GREASEBALL
and
-HOW TO TURN UNBEARABLE PAIN INTO EXTRA INCOME

So call now, right now, join the book club today!

:)

[*I note with some concern that "Anna-Mae Wong's Tits Are Made of Aluminum" is conspicuously absent from this list. I want a refund!]

Comments

( 14 comments — Comment )
moonpuppy61
Jan. 4th, 2005 05:55 pm (UTC)
-HOW TO GET BACK FROM BOSTON

I have that book already, it has one page with one line that says
WARNING SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!!

Quote: You loser, your live in Boston, your already back. End quote

Yes I have the rare, "home town" edition. Now if only I can get it autographed.
esprix
Jan. 4th, 2005 07:21 pm (UTC)
:)
(Deleted comment)
esprix
Jan. 4th, 2005 07:21 pm (UTC)
True dat. :P
akirashima
Jan. 4th, 2005 06:15 pm (UTC)
>O_O<

How did you get in my house and look at my library
and the Anna Mae Wong book is on lend

or it got tenticle raped by my japanese section again

I'll know for sure when it turns back up
esprix
Jan. 4th, 2005 07:21 pm (UTC)
FILL YOUR LIFE WITH CROUTONS!
akirashima
Jan. 4th, 2005 09:26 pm (UTC)
though i can assure you i know Anna Mae's tits are made with various silicone products
http://www.realdoll.com/sample13.asp
I have read the specs on her!
esprix
Jan. 4th, 2005 10:37 pm (UTC)
You're a sick man. I love you!
jsciv
Jan. 4th, 2005 06:25 pm (UTC)
Your sanity called. It's happy with the separation and wants a divorce.
esprix
Jan. 4th, 2005 07:22 pm (UTC)
Oh, good. Do I have to pay alimony?
ashoemaker
Jan. 4th, 2005 08:29 pm (UTC)
Wow -- that sounds like it would make for quite a stand-up routine. :)

I'm really looking forward to reading "I SUCK, YOU SUCK", "10 THINGS WE DON'T KNOW YET", and "THE MEANING OF CORN"... and I'm cautiously curious about "HOW TO ORGANIZE A 'TUPPERWARE' GANG BANG".
rvrjoe775
Jan. 4th, 2005 08:35 pm (UTC)
cautiously curious
Burp a little air out...
esprix
Jan. 4th, 2005 09:02 pm (UTC)
Gee, you think it might be a stand-up routine? :P

I like "Sport Fishing with Power Saws" myself. ;)
akirashima
Jan. 4th, 2005 09:28 pm (UTC)
so do i but the local game wardens don't like it when i chum the waters like that
boywhocantsayno
Jan. 5th, 2005 01:57 am (UTC)
I worry about you sometimes, I really do. :P
( 14 comments — Comment )

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