I swear I didn't change any of them! :P
Edited to add: OK, the more I think about this the funnier it gets:
"First Mate Andy! Fetch me me cabin boy, Queeqeeg... er, I mean Quincy! I wants me dinner and I wants it now! Yarrr! The Dread Pirate Wyatt be chasin' me down for callin' 'im a witch, but that hat... I can't 'elp meself! And be on the lookout for Admiral Matt - them shifty Canadians is crafty, they is, and 'e's a man o' principal and looks rather fetchin' in that sexy uniform and captain's hat! Yarrr! I've been missin' me faithful lad Tom, but I'll be takin' out me frustrations on me captive JT, 'o seems to be enjoyin' bein' tied up more than I thought 'e would. Yarrr! Now let's plunder some ships and sink some women! Yo ho ho and a bottle of cum! We're the butt pirates - PREPARE TO BE BOARDED! YARRRRRRRRR!"
OK, I need help. Seriously. I'm worried about me.