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OK, where is that recent tongue-in-cheek list that was going around of why homosexuality was wrong - things like "if we let homosexuals marry then obviously we will have to let people marry their dogs, children and plants." Saw it around recently in people's LJ's and now I can't find it. Blah.

Edited to add: Found it at www.12reasons.com, originally written by the University of Florida Gator Gay Straight Alliance (thanks for the tip, though, caprine):

12 Reasons Same-Sex Marriage will Ruin Society

  1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control are not natural.

  2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people cannot get legally married because the world needs more children.

  3. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children because straight parents only raise straight children.

  4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful, since Britney Spears's 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.

  5. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and it hasn't changed at all: women are property, Blacks can't marry Whites, and divorce is illegal.

  6. Gay marriage should be decided by the people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of minorities.

  7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are always imposed on the entire country. That's why we only have one religion in America.

  8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people makes you tall.

  9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage license.

  10. Children can never succeed without both male and female role models at home. That's why single parents are forbidden to raise children.

  11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to cars or longer lifespans.

  12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a "separate but equal" institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages will for gays & lesbians.

Comments

( 14 comments — Comment )
caprine
Jun. 3rd, 2004 11:24 am (UTC)
esprix
Jun. 3rd, 2004 11:55 am (UTC)
That was it. You rule.
akirashima
Jun. 3rd, 2004 04:21 pm (UTC)
WOOO HOOOO

next a rain of frogs, The skys will turn black as a republicans heart, and cats and dogs will live in harmony

http://www.livejournal.com/users/fairfignewton/73694.html#cutid1

just in case you missed this article

I do wish the total collapse of family values hurries up since me and my many houseplants want to get married in a huge Polygamous ceremony sometime soon
akirashima
Jun. 3rd, 2004 04:45 pm (UTC)
ftp://members.aol.com/matrixwerx/glbthistory/egypt.htm

then there is this
downeastmike
Jun. 3rd, 2004 05:05 pm (UTC)
Hmm, the Gaytors? I'll have to call one of my ex's to see if his hand was in the making of this. Hmm.
galinalady
Jun. 3rd, 2004 06:26 pm (UTC)
ROFL!! Too funny!

I actually have a good friend of mine who is a lesbian and had a handfasting with her wife. They have one child and are expecting a second. :)
(Anonymous)
Jun. 3rd, 2004 08:06 pm (UTC)
you applied to join anti-gay, yes you are not anti-gay. and you did not follow directions on how to join so you are denied. (btw... I know this entry is about homosexuality and that is why I did not read it) - toodles
esprix
Jun. 3rd, 2004 11:33 pm (UTC)
Whee! Lookee the bigots everybody!

If you get the chance, check out x_out_sodomy and ____anti_gay - homophobia at its ramptant finest, hosted by the new friend of the gay community, _fluz_!
akirashima
Jun. 4th, 2004 08:00 am (UTC)
WOW
HOW THE HELL COULD YOU KNOW THAT UNLESS YOU READ IT
ARE YOU A PSYCHIC !
ARE YOU A TERRORIST !

anonymous posting fucktard.
I can't believe the cowardice of you people
What couldn't find an LJ icon with a white hood or a big cross and bible to hide behind while you spread your hate like a vile blanket or screw little kids.

people like you are the reason i no longer call myself a christian.

IF you are so fired up about your rightious cause then show yourself
esprix
Jun. 4th, 2004 09:43 am (UTC)
It was _fluz_ - feel free to stop by her journal.
verix
Jun. 4th, 2004 12:38 pm (UTC)
Dude. That is the greatest satire ever.
luvcatcher
Jun. 8th, 2004 07:33 pm (UTC)
This couldn't be more funny!!!

People think homosexuality isn't natural because they haven't gone to see the gay penguins at the New York Aquarium.

Whatever!

Go Massachusetts.
lunatic_panzer
May. 31st, 2005 04:51 am (UTC)
hehe
that so rocked my socks clear off
esprix
May. 31st, 2005 05:09 pm (UTC)
Re: hehe
Happy to provide amusement. :)
( 14 comments — Comment )

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