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Dreams about Dad

I had another dream about Dad this weekend. I've lost the details, but it was another case where he was there with the family, and it suddenly occurred to us that he wasn't really there at all.

That's the third dream I've had - one where he sat up in the casket during Susan's reading, and one where he came to help me on some project in the rec room. All three had about the same theme.

This on top of Mom and I having another long talk last night because she was having another bad day. She got me crying this time. I really need to follow up with Ayers about the death certificate and the last questions we (hopefully) have for him. She's still blaming herself. Blah.

And through it all, it still hasn't really hit me yet. Looking forward to that...

More to report on the weekend later, but I wanted to write this down.

Comments

( 5 comments — Comment )
lilairen
Jan. 26th, 2004 11:58 am (UTC)
This may come out weird; feel free to ignore it and/or thump me if it crosses a line, okay?


I know you're Unitarian, which means I know essentially nothing about your personal religious practices. :} My first (recon pagan) thought is wondering if there's space in your religious practice for an ancestor shrine or memorial, so that you can devote some space in your life to him and his memory consciously, rather than having your subconscious keep doing it for you. . .
esprix
Jan. 26th, 2004 12:24 pm (UTC)
It's fun being UU - keeps people guessing. ;)

I am planning on a tribute of sorts - possibly something as simple as a scrapbook of photos, possibly something more involved online. Not sure yet. But perhaps my subconscious is reminding me that I ought to get to it eventually.

Good thought. Thanks.
lilairen
Jan. 26th, 2004 12:37 pm (UTC)
It's fun being UU - keeps people guessing. ;)

I can understand that appeal. ;)

(Though my primary experience with UU churches is LARPing in one once . . .)


My faith is big on ritual commemorations. I'm glad the idea is useful shared.
aries28
Jan. 27th, 2004 05:52 am (UTC)
It's strange how grief hides itself for a while and then when your body/mind thinks you are ready to deal with it you do.

I had a very close relative die a little over a year ago and I didn't cry at all. Not when I heard the news. Not on the way to the hospital to see him once last time before they took him away. Not at the funeral. Not at the graveside. Nothing.

Then Christmas came and he wasn't there and he always had been ever since I had been a little girl and I started thinking about him almost every day. But still not the mourning I thought I would do.

Then when my mother was cleaning out his house she found 2 gifts he had already purchased for my 2 sons for Xmas and she brought them to me. To see his handwriting on the card just made me lose it.

Everybody grieves differently and I'm sure when the time comes it will hit you in the way that is right and healing for you.
esprix
Jan. 27th, 2004 10:41 am (UTC)
That's what I figure. I'm not worried.
( 5 comments — Comment )

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