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Today's poll


Just checking that I'm not crazy:

You unintentionally offend someone. They tell you so. The appropriate response is:

A. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."
B. "Go fuck yourself."

(If there are other options I'm not thinking of, please enlighten me.)

Comments

( 12 comments — Comment )
dragonblink
May. 9th, 2012 03:56 pm (UTC)
You forgot:

C. "Oh my God, why are you so mean to me! That really hurt!" *cries*
D. "Jeez, stop being so sensitive."
sacredmime
May. 9th, 2012 04:31 pm (UTC)
Hmmm, not sure I would consider "B" appropriate. :)
What was the response you actually received?
esprix
May. 9th, 2012 06:24 pm (UTC)
I was not involved in the exchange. The response was B, which I feel was highly inappropriate. I summarized the exchange below.
esprix
May. 9th, 2012 06:24 pm (UTC)
True, I've heard those replies before, too.
doniago
May. 9th, 2012 06:02 pm (UTC)
None of the Above
E. I'm sorry I fucked you.

I'm going to guess you got B.

A lot of it has to do with whether the offender and offendee can agree that the offendee has a legitimate right to feel offended, though. Obviously the offendee believes they do, but it's a foregone conclusion that sometimes people get offended without having a good reason for it. That doesn't mean you tell them to go fuck themselves, but I have difficulty apologizing when I really don't feel I actually did something wrong, either. Witness my most recent dramaz, where my ability to apologize is somewhat inhibited by the fact that the other party sat on the things she was feeling offended about for -months- and I lack specifics. I'm not keen on blanket apologies because I can't assess whether they're actually deserved.
Put another way, to some degree there's a statute of limitations on these sorts of things.

Edited at 2012-05-09 06:04 pm (UTC)
esprix
May. 9th, 2012 06:24 pm (UTC)
Re: None of the Above
IMHO, the offense was legit.

The exchange, in essence, was:

Her: See this picture of this sign? These people are homophobic bigots.
Him: I'd have smeared shit on it.
Her: Um, I think you posted that on my Facebook wall by accident, because I don't know you, but I wouldn't condone that kind of behavior, even if I didn't agree with them.
Him: Go fuck yourself.
thaliat
May. 9th, 2012 07:44 pm (UTC)
Personally I'm really sick of the notion that calling someone on their rude and offensive behavior is ruder and more offensive than the original rude and offensive behavior. Guess what? No, it's not.
esprix
May. 9th, 2012 08:01 pm (UTC)
Bingo. And, honestly, there's nothing wrong with saying, "I'm sorry I offended you because that's not what I intended," and still hold those beliefs without needing to express them in an offensive way.
ben_raccoon
May. 10th, 2012 03:07 am (UTC)
I've encountered B far too often, and in one case, it was promptly followed up with a tirade of "Don't try to change me!"
esprix
May. 10th, 2012 05:33 pm (UTC)
People are so fucking reactionary anymore...
justplainbryan
May. 10th, 2012 06:05 pm (UTC)
I default to A, because I'm a nice guy. :)
esprix
May. 10th, 2012 06:28 pm (UTC)
As it should be. :)
( 12 comments — Comment )

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